Mary Gardner: Articles

Mary Gardner found the man she wanted to spend her life with on the Internet and pursued him all the way to the altar.

Now, with one failed marriage behind her and a husband she adores pushing her to succeed, Gardner feels she has a message to share with America's youth.

"Know yourself and go after your dreams," she told a crowd of Western Kentucky University students Monday night during a "Guerilla Dating" program in Downing University Center. "Be aggressive about love and give it to people who deserve it."

With so many couples getting married in their early 20s, it is little wonder that more than half end in divorce, she said, adding that young people marry too quickly after spending too little time dating too few people.

The average couple exchange nuptials at age 24 and more than 50 percent of those unions crumble a short time later, she said.

Gardner know from experience. Her first marriage was doomed. So she picked up the pieces, looked at her life and made a few changes.

"Building self-esteem is the most important first step to any relationship," she said.

"The most important thing about our image is how we feel about ourselves," she said. "Pick up that mirror and put post-it pads on it that say 'I am beautiful. I am wonderful. I am having a good hair day."

She urged audience members to begin each day smiling and to control their moods.

"If you don't learn now to control your emotions, they will control you," she said, adding that people like people who smile.

One of the biggest mistakes men and women make is choosing a mate for the wrong reasons. Instead of looking only at appearances, it is important to look at the person on the inside, she said.

That doesn't mean how much money he makes or what kind of care she drives, Gardner said.

"Lust is what you can get from a person," she said. "Love is what you can give to a person."

Meeting people on the Internet is one way to really get to now someone, because it gives people a chance to write about their feelings, hopes and dreams, she said.

When a couple finally decide to meet in person, it may even lead to more. For her it led to marriage.

Couples often make the mistake of giving up their dreams after marriage. They stop dating and "life" sets in. But it is important to keep dating one another even years into the marriage, Gardner says.

Open communications is important. Both partners should be able to talk openly about everything, good or bad.
Compatibility is necessary to any successful relationship. Men and women should choose someone who loves many of the same things they love. Be aggressive about finding a compatible mate, she said.
And finally a loving couple needs commitment.

Many marriages end because young couples had not finished growing emotionally when they married. Gardner hopes her message will encourage more young people to wait before marrying.

Bennie Beach, program coordinator for Western's University Center Board, said he invited Gardner to Western because she sends an important message in a positive way.

"Students need to hear this," he said, adding that it was a timely topic with Valentine's Day approaching.

Gardner is writing a book about dating and touring college campuses with the program.

Contact Info:
Lifestyles Communications, Inc.
P.O. Box 1716.
Winter Park, Fl 32790-1716